You just had your baby. It was a beautiful birth. You initially felt over the moon, then you sorted your way through those inevitable baby blues and now you are months postpartum but for some reason you are still feeling out of sync. You have ruled out PPD (postpartum depression) but why do you still feel off?
Well, I’ve been there and it wasn’t anything easy to put a finger on… it is just a feeling of being off. At the same time, it’s also a feeling that is easy to push to the wayside, especially with all the things early motherhood throws at you! The easy explanation is – “that’s how all new mom’s feel”!
When I was in this position, I didn’t talk about it, so I’m not sure what I would have been told if I had. I didn’t talk about it because I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was still there. Now, 6 years later and after working with dozens of postpartum women, I can say with confidence I have a better sense of what drove these feelings and what would have helped.
So here goes…
- Knowing how to ask for the support I actually needed, rather than what I thought the person could offer. There is a subtle distinction here- the difference between asking for what you think the person can offer versus asking that person for the support you REALLY need. I was ok asking for help, but I would 100% modulate my asks based on my belief of what that person could offer. vNow, 6 years later, I realize that by doing this, I wasn’t helping anyone. Instead, I was making those people, who earnestly wanted to help me, less aware of what would be the most helpful. Who am I to say what kind of support another person can provide? Instead, ask for that thing you really want, don’t sugar coat to make it “easier” for the person offering to help. You are 100% shorting yourself and diminishing the impact that person can have on you! Ask the big ask, worst case scenario… it gets downgraded. Chances are, you will get exactly what you need and your bucket will be filled up! AND that person will feel really good about themselves and how they were able to support you!
- I rushed everything trying to keep up with societal expectations. It’s a fool’s game!! There is no ONE way to do postpartum, there is only YOUR way. I was so caught up in my pride of returning to work so quickly after postpartum (8 weeks after my first). I felt like a SUPERMOM walking into work, breast pump at my side, doing everything I did pre-pregnancy without a bat of an eye, and strutting out with everyone else at the end of the day. Ugh! I think back to it and recognize the complete facade I was wearing to simply keep up with our ridiculous American expectations for moms. I remember feeling like I had won the baby lottery when my first baby easily sleep trained at 6 weeks postpartum so I could return to work and predictably have a good night of sleep. Yes, it was a blessing but was it the best for her? I have no idea! But what I do know is that I would have never done that had I not felt the pressure of returning to work, like nothing happened. Now, I wish I had turned a blind eye to this societal ridiculousness. I wish I had demanded more time with my baby. I wish I had returned to my work more slowly. I wish I had more support at our government level, to stay home and nurture the future of the workforce. We are still so far away from this reality, but those of you reading, that have the blessing of time with your babies before returning to work, do not succumb to the arbitrary pressures our American culture places on moms. Take a stand for those who don’t have this luxury and fight for maternal rights!! We need and deserve better! Visit Chamber of Mothers for more advocacy ideas.
- I rationalized myself into believing my previous passions were just a thing of the past and hopefully future.. Becoming a mother doesn’t equal abandoning your passions in life only to be replaced by the once in a lifetime opportunity to be a mother. Nope, Nope, Nope!
Listen,
YOU ARE A BETTER MOTHER WITH YOUR PASSION AND INTERESTS ALIVE AND WELL IN YOUR LIFE!
Hard stop!
Becoming a mother makes engaging in those things we once loved a heck of a lot more challenging, but also a heck of a lot more worth it! Now you need it not only because it’s fun but because it rejuvenates, invigorates, and reminds you of who you truly are, in the midst of modern motherhood chaos. There is NOTHING more valuable than that!
Yes, it’s gonna be weird, it’s gonna take time, it’s gonna be harder than ever but getting back to those activities that light you up will do nothing short of miracles for yourself and your family.
If you are struggling with any of these elements, I’d love to chat with you about my Soul-Aligned Motherhood 1:1 coaching program! CLICK HERE for a free coaching call!
Soul-Aligned Motherhood is my private coaching container for women looking to reconnect to their true selves in the midst of modern motherhood chaos. I will support you in finding your path back to the most soul-aligned version of yourself! It’s in you, let’s work together to bring it back to the world!
In Health,
Hilary
