Communicating with doctors can be challenging for even the most medically aware patients. The way I see it, doctors are overworked, pulled in a million directions on a daily basis. They also show up with their own biases that they may or may not be aware of and often have to answer to parties that have higher concern over the bottom line than patient outcomes. Finally, they are lucky if they have even 5-minutes to have deep meaningful communication with their patients. You also have to bear in mind that doctors vary widely in how they approach their work and an excellent doctor for one patient is another patients worst nightmare.
If you’re feeling like you’re not able to effectively communicate with your OB/GYN here are my top 3 recommendations for moving from a place of “do they even see me?” to “I feel supported and listened to.”
- Bring a family member or friend with you to your next appointment. They may be able to provide you with some perspective on how the appointment went and even ask some questions that you would have never thought of. This is even more important if you have any level of anxiety around doctors or hospitals.
- Tell your doctor how you’re feeling without sugar coating it. Honestly telling your doctor that you feel like you’re not being heard can bring out your doctor’s true colors. Their response should leave you feeling heard, cared for, and respected as an individual. If they brush you off, make you feel “extra” or are rude in any way, that’s a red flag to find a new birth provider. You don’t want your birth to roll around and your doctor is someone who hasn’t helped you feel safe, listened and cared for. That’s the set up for a not so great birth experience.
- Write your top concerns or questions on a piece of paper before you arrive at your appointment. When your doctor enters the room, hand them the piece of paper and tell them that you don’t want to forget to address those things before they leave the room. This is a great way to avoid leaving your appointment only to realize you forgot to ask the one question you had intended to. It also begins to show your doctor that you are invested in your quality of care and are someone who is going to advocate for themselves.
Patient-doctor relationships are complicated and nothing is getting easier about them. If you’re feeling unsettled about the doctor you’re seeing, I hope these tips can help you navigate through the relationship with less stress and perhaps pull through to the other side with a deep level of trust in each other.
In Health,
Hilary
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