Postpartum is a dynamic time full of transitions, newness, and big emotions. On one hand it seems to drag on forever then on the other hand it’s moving at the speed of light. This is the experience I hear almost universally from new moms.
But there is another, less talked about experience that is also very common. A feeling of grief and loss in regards to yourself. Sometimes moms have difficulty putting their finger on it and finding the right words… they might say things like…
“I’m so happy, yet feel completely lost”
“I feel disconnected to all that is happening”
“I’m not sure how I fit into these experiences”
“I love being a mom, but I feel like I don’t know who I am”
One might jump to the thought that these moms might be experiencing postpartum depression, and sometimes that is a concurrent issue, but not always. Instead, I think many women undergo a period of grieving the life they had, as they adjust to the life that has suddenly become their reality. In the mix of this transition, the role of mother, is gigantic and starts to become your identity. But a life role, is only once piece of who you are.
One factor is this mixing of the enormous life role of “mother” as your identity, or who you are, that can really spiral into a slippery slope of simply not recognizing yourself anymore.
First time moms go from living an autonomous lifestyle, albeit often with a partner, but even then, you are living and conducting your daily life in a way that is, for the most part, within your control and/or influence. You get to take care of yourself when, how, and where you desire. Days are filled by things that you have largely chosen to do because it directly fulfills a personal goal or desire.
Then, in the blink of an eye, this life goes out the window. Now your days are directed by the needs of a tiny human with an underdeveloped nervous system. You are the end all and be all of this babys’ comfort and survival. Your needs, routines, desires and general control over your day is sidelined or, at best, significantly disrupted. Yet, you are filled with a depth and quality of love you have never experienced before.
It’s quite the contrast and for many moms becomes a source of confusion and frustration with an over tone of sadness or grief. These are normal postpartum emotions. You have, after all, just lost the life you knew and replaced it with one that you are still figuring out.
Here are a few recommendations for easing these feelings as you go through this matrescence (becoming a mother) period of life…
Give yourself grace
Allow the feelings of grief, loss, sadness, anger, etc to show up and be present
Journal, dance and move through these emotions
Work with a coach or therapist
Soul-Aligned Motherhood is my private coaching container that guides women toward remembering, honoring, and living life in alignment with their true selves while continuing to show up as the amazing mother you already are.
Soul-Aligned Motherhood is an open-enrollment program. If you would like to learn more CLICK HERE! If you would like to have a conversation about how Soul-Aligned Motherhood could support you, hop on my schedule HERE!
In Health,
Hilary
PS- To get a taste of the types of activities I frequently guide my Soul-Aligned Mamas through watch “RISE within Motherhood” HERE
